Also sometimes I’m not really into the whole “You can never completely unlearn misogyny” style of rhetoric

Because like, while yeah, and thinking you’re done is really fucked up, it often feels very “NONE OF YOU ARE FREE OF SIN”-y and it gets used in really abusive ways.

I mean lately I’ve been thinking about how many mean spirited abusive personalities end up really owning in SJ spaces and like what mechanisms can safe guard against it without silencing people, or like policing people’s emotions, because like anger is often justified, but I’ve also seen some fucked up shit and IDK.

I mean I don’t like how witch hunt-y some spaces I’ve been in have gotten and even though I’m generally pretty good at navigating witch hunt-y SJ spaces (Like I’m weirdly good at that from a lot of practice) I feel like people who enjoy instigating witch hunts, people who often end up in leadership positions are maybe just not good people.



Using the idea of “sisterhood between all women” to silence oppressed women is so shitty.  Like pitting women against one another is shitty, and all, but you know what? 

It’s not on WOC to extend the olive branch to white women, or trans women to extend it to cis women or so on and so forth.  They are really really not obligated to do that.

When we’re the woman with privilege, we need to be the one to extend the olive branch.  We need to be the one to act sisterly before we can expect sisterly love and support from women who we benefit from systemically oppressing we probably have to act a lot more sisterly ourselves

Some thing fuckboys need to know



Porn isn’t “real”
Girls actually masturbate
Girls can orgasm without a guy
We’re not here to please you
We can be dominant 
Lesbians don’t need dick
Asexual girls aren’t broken
Bisexual girls don’t want/have 3 somes with you to prove their sexuality
We’re not sexual objects
Girls can like sex
Girls can have causal sex
Sex workers aren’t “dirty” or “easy”
Trans women are women
Vaginas stretch back


everything about this makes me so happy

Also porn doesn’t show exclusively submissive women, but the dominant women depicted in porn (has this person actually not seen femdom porn? REALLY?) are kiiiinda unrealistic and focused on the male gaze.

P.S. No I am still not a lifestyle domme

Why Do Americans and Northern Europeans Hate Scent?

I remember hearing the story of a woman who’d grown up in a society that didn’t do deoderant (I don’t remember which one) who’d married an American man and her saying that sharing a bed with him was like sleeping with a ghost because she couldn’t smell him.

I think culturally we’re weird about smell.  I mean Americans, but also a lot of Northern Europe.  People who love perfume say Japan’s not a perfume country and thus not a fragrance country, but Japan is a heavily fragranced country, they just don’t do perfume as much, Japan doesn’t have a tradition of wearing fragrance on skin, instead one scents clothes, and home and other spaces one exists in (the Japanese incense tradition is an especially lovely one) and strongly scented fabric softeners sell extraordinarily well there.  

In any case, we North Americans, and Northern Europeans (especially north western Europeans, Russia and other Eastern European nations have a very strong history of perfumery) are unusual in our distaste for fragrance, not just our distaste for perfume, but our overall suspicion of scent.

We blamed odeurs for the plague, and in modern times stereotype certain ethnicities as prone to wearing far too much scent, we are deeply suspicious of fragrance chemicals and clamour for unscented products.  We seem to believe that the very act of smelling anything is bad for us.  We do everything we can to avoid producing natural human odors (even those that are regarded as pleasant or inoffensive elsewhere) and seem in general to have some yen for an enviornment completely devoid of smell, which is to me as peculiar a longing as a longing for an enviornment completely devoid of sound, 

Perhaps we lost our ability to stomach fragrances around the time the anglosphere lost our ability to handle spicy food (the 19th century, our food was actually quite spicy until then, when a health fad for bland food created the sensitivity to heat that we’re known for as a culture today) perhaps it has something to do with the weather or protestantism, all I know is that we’re weird about smell as a culture.

In any case, I think this distaste for scent overall leads us to vastly underestimate and ignore our senses of smell, we are unaware of the scents of those we love, we ignore the scented landscape.