Educating a Friend

Me: So, let’s say that you’re at school and you see a guy you know. I mean, you guys talk every once in a while and he’s pretty cool, but you’re not like friends or anything. You just talk to him every once in a while.

Guy Friend: What’s his name?

Me: I don’t know. Frank?

Guy Friend: No.

Me: Okay, fine. His name is Will. Okay?

Guy Friend: I don’t think it really suits him, but okay.

Me: …So anyway, you’re at school during lunchtime and you see Will. So, you notice Will’s not eating anything. That’s when you realize that Will has no lunch, no money for lunch, and no way of getting either. He’s just sitting there like he normally would. He’s not acting any differently and he’s not asking anyone for anything. Not money, not a fry, not even a salt packet, but you know he’s gotta be hungry. So, what do you do?

Guy Friend: Do I have any money?

Me: Yeah. You have enough for you and another meal.

Guy Friend: Duh, I buy him lunch.

Me: Okay, cool. So, like you said, you buy him lunch. You buy your lunch and you buy his lunch and you go over and hand it to him. And, he says, “Wow. You know, that’s really nice of you, but I wasn’t gonna ask anyone for lunch. I was probably just gonna wait until I got home to eat.” And, then you say–

Guy Friend: Nah, it’s cool.

Me: Exactly. You say, “Nah, it’s cool. I’m just being nice. It’s a gift.” And, Will says, “You know, that’s awesome. You’re really nice, bro.” And, after that, you guys start hanging out. You guys are like really good buds. You are always hanging out and laughing and just having a good time. So, you guys are friends for a few months, and it’s tons of fun. Then, one day, you go up to Will and you say, “Hey, Will, you know, I’ve been thinking, and I kinda want that five bucks.”

Guy Friend: What five bucks?

Me: Hold on. I’m getting there. So, Will says, “What five bucks?” To which, you reply, “Well, we’ve been hanging out for a long time and it’s been really fun, but like, I’ve done a lot of really nice things for you. Like, I’m always nice to you and I always listen and do things you wanna do, so I was thinking that because I’ve been so nice, you should pay me back that five bucks I spent to get your lunch right before we started really hanging out.”

Guy Friend: What? Why would I–

Me: I’m not done yet. So, then Will looks kinda hurt and he says, “But I thought you were just being nice. I thought that was just a gift.” So, you say, “Whether or not it was a gift, don’t you think you kinda owe me that five bucks since I’ve been so nice to you?” And, Will says, “No. I don’t think I owe you that!” And you get mad, so you say, “Well, I think that you do, so I think you’re being really shitty and stuck up about this and I feel like I’ve been completely wronged.”

Guy Friend: Oh, my God. That’s so fucked up of me. I would never do that to Will. Will was nice. We were buds. That’s way screwed.

Me: I know, right? Hey, just wondering, have you ever heard of this fictional place called “The Friendzone?”

Guy Friend: Well, yeah, but…

Guy Friend: …

Guy Friend: …

Guy Friend: oh

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Hi there, I had a couple general questions about your profession if that’s okay. How did you learn all the necessary tools to satisfy customers on Niteflirt? Did you need to study what general things sissies love or might like, or do you think of it on the spot? What was your first time domming/Niteflirting like? Have you ever messed up or fumbled a session?

1.  Reading weird erotica has been a hobby of mine for years, the more fucked up and upsetting the kinks the more outsider art fascinating I find it.  So I knew a lot about the common fantasy elements, that said I come up with a lot of things on the fly.  I think having a background in stand up and writing helped a lot.

2. Mostly amusing, it was a skype session.

3. Shit yeah, I had one time I just couldn’t do a German accent cause I had a head cold, and another time I kept calling a guy who was called Mike “Jim” because he sounded like another guy I knew who was Jim.  There was also this one time I had a live bondage session with an ex-Israeli special forces dude.  He wanted rope bondage and made me so nervous I kept dropping the rope as I tried to untangle it.  He did not leave happy.

Also Loud Women

hideouspenguinboy:

thepeacockangel:

Not like during sex, but just in general.  Chicks who speak at a high volume and who tend to like yell when enthusiastic.

I don’t know why but I just find it extremely attractive.

eccckk same!! Which is probably partly born of vanity/the pleasantness of seeing reflections of ourselves in others. 

Except in person I’m mostly super quiet unless I’m verrry comfortable.  Also if I’m not dropping my voice (which is what I nearly always do out of shame), I’m EXTREMELY high pitched (it’s ridiculous)

You Know I’m Strongly Pro-Choice, But I Have Some Sympathy For Like Hardcore Lefty (Like Catholic Workers Party) Catholic Ladies Who Are Pro-Gay Marriage, Pro-Accessible Contraception And Horrified By The Idea Of Abortion.

Cause like A: They support the actual policies that cause abortion rates to drop (like sex education, available contraception, and good social welfare)

and B: They usually don’t support criminalization.

and C: They’re usually also pro-gay marriage and in favor of LGBTQ people being able to adopt babies.

and D: Tend to come from a very different style of family culture than Protestant background folks.